The world has changed a great deal in the last hundred years, what was once a hush hush secret has become mainstream for both men and women.  Today I want to take a look at where we are, and where we are still going in the open expression of our sexuality as an American Society.

It never ceases to amaze me how the world tends to go through cycles when it comes to our sexuality, from the Greeks and Romans being open about sex to the first American’s marking and sometimes even executing people for their sexuality.  While most modern societies have not returned to the open “gratification” models of many B.C. civilizations, we have come a long way in a rather short period of time.

Open Discussion:

The Past - As recently as the last hundred years, and in many areas even the last thirty or so years, discussion of sex, sexuality, and pleasure was purely off limits.  It was not a subject that was discussed outside the bedroom if at all and could easily land you in hot water if you dared to discuss it.  Many people felt that sex was dirty, and should never be mentioned in polite society. 

Today – We aren’t as open as some cultures yet, but it isn’t hard to find open discussion of sexuality these days.  Turn on your TV and you can find anything from call in shows answering couples questions about sex, to full out hard core sex movies.  Although interestingly it seems that while we can now freely discuss with our friends our sexual exploits, we still have a great deal of difficulty discussing our needs and desires with our significant others.

The Future – As time progresses I feel that people will eventually become more open with their significant others about their sexual desires, but for this to happen we as a society need to get out of the mind set that one partner is only there to please the other, this is especially true with women who for centuries were taught it wasn’t their place to enjoy their sexual encounters, but merely to be there to serve the needs of their partner.

I think that it’s very important, especially in new relationships, or relationships that are faltering in their physical sides for the couple to set aside time specifically to discuss their sexuality with each other.  It may be hard at first, but as time goes, you will learn to appreciate each others input.  If you find it awkward, try getting online together and talking about it from different rooms on IM.  You can always start with a simple set of questions for each other, such as tell me one of each of these:  Something that turns you on, something you desire more of or want to try, and something you want less of or none at all.

You will probably start out with simple answers, but more than likely as time progresses and you become more comfortable with each other, your answers will get more and more liberal and you body will thank you!

It’s also important for future generations that we teach our children that it’s ok to discuss their desires with their partner, they don’t need to be bashful or ashamed when they grow older and mature into relationships to express their needs and desires.

 

Hetro, Gay, Bi?

The Past – until the last few years admitting that you were anything but a devout heterosexual could get you killed, even today it’s still a somewhat risky choice.  What some have called deviant sexual behaviour has been associated with many diseases, burning in hell, and numerous other negative images.  Although many ancient civilizations practiced open sexuality between men and men, women and women, and practically any combination of two or more in between, this openness died off rather quickly and was replaced by shame and humiliation and ofter death for anyone that dared to discuss such possibilities.  Even the bible makes reference to anything but heterosexual encounters being sin.

Today – Today we are better about being open and understanding, there are many openly gay or bi sexual couples in any neighborhood around America.  We don’t hesitate generally to say we have a gay friend, many of us have gay family members as well.  There is however still a great deal of negativity regarding anything but a standard heterosexual relationship, and society has spent centuries building wall after wall to prevent such relationships from being able to thrive in open society.

The Future – As we push forward into the 21st Century I believe we will continue to find society more and more accepting of different desires by different people, however I don’t foresee complete open acceptance of anything other than heterosexual relationships for the foreseeable future.  Unlike many things that were taboo, this topic has been purely off limits for so long, and has had so many work to prevent it’s ever even being mentioned that it will still probably take another hundred years for all of the barriers to come down.  While many people openly “accept” gay couples, they still cringe at the idea of those same couples being married, or sharing the tax and health care advantages of being married. 

Unlike the discussion of sexuality, sexual orientation has a great deal running against it, from the bible, to diseases that are spread more easily by certain types of sexual encounters, to the general disgust some people feel when confronted with even walking by someone that is openly gay.

We need a lot of work in this area, some of it by the very people that seek more freedom to express their orientation.  In today’s society, Lesbian’s and Bi-Sexuals are arguably more accepted than gay men.  This is really brought on by a few things:

1.  Lesbians are considered “hot” to most men, who really aren’t as turned on by the fact that they are lesbian, than by their wishful fantasies of having two women in the bed.\

2.  Lesbians are seen as less risque and promiscuous as gay men are.  You don’t often hear about women who arrange to meet up in airport bathrooms to have sex with several men on a layover, etc.

3.  Bi-Sexuals appeal to both men and women.  Bi-Sexual women appeal to men because they hope it will land them a two-some, Bi-Sexual men appeal to women who are curious about women, but still desire a man.

4.  Gay men have a bad tendency of being in the news for their bathroom encounters, sleeping with underage boys, and having affairs outside their marriage.

5.  Gay men aren’t generally found “hot” by anyone other than other gay men.

6.  Gay men are often attributed with spreading aids and it is a fact that unprotected anal sex which is often a result of gay relationships has a very high risk level associated with diseases.

Until we clean up this image that has been associated with gay men, we will likely never have complete acceptance of any kind of non-hetro relationship.

Personal Pleasure

The Past – For the last few hundred years men have dominated the scene, depressing women into an inferior roll in society and treating them as far below their equals in every manor including sexual gratification.  Although dildo’s have been around since the day of the caveman (stone and wood, don’t sound great, but neither did the ones made of tar), we went through a few hundred years in recent times up until even the 90’s where women gaining pleasure from sexual encounters was forbidden let alone having “toys” that were designed for the pure purpose of bringing her physical pleasure.  Men have had it far better although not yet perfect.  Masturbation by men is to this day still somewhat taboo and even as children we are often taught that doing such horrible deeds may lead to incurrable blindness!

Today – Most societies generally accept that sex should be enjoyed by both partners equally, even snoop dog the rapper has a hit describing how he’s going to make sure he brings his girl to orgasm before he finishes.  Although many women of all things still balk at the idea of a man masturbating, I have yet to meet one in the last decade that didn’t have a collection of dildos and vibrators to help her achieve maximum pleasure by herself or with her partner.  In fact many couples these days find toys to be an integral part of their regular encounters.

However there are still a great number of individuals and couples that are afraid to experience personal pleasure.  Mostly because they are afraid that something they desire will be considered weird, or won’t be accepted by their partner.

The Future – The future looks promising for personal pleasure.  There are entire industries these days coming up with all kinds of new ways for individuals and couples to experience more pleasure from their encounters.  Women have come a long way in gaining back their rightful place in society and a good deal of men are now taught from birth to ensure their female partners are fully satisfied and cared for sexual.  But we still have a long way to go, these days the most difficult barrier to get through is the one of being ashamed to enjoy ones self.

Personal pleasure will come along probably more rapidly than any other aspect of relationships because it’s the one part that most effects all of us.  Once we are able to break through our barriers of being afraid to ask for what we want, or find our own ways of pleasuring ourselves, we will truely blossom and couples everywhere will find themselves in the bedroom more and more.

Pornography

The Past – Pornography has always been something of an interesting issue, women are offended by men looking at pictures of other naked women, preachers teach that we are violating God’s will, and so forth.  Until the dark ages it was common place to create and public post art that depicted both naked women and men.  Come the dark ages and control by the “church” this practice went away and today is still somewhat taboo.  Although men have idolized other men for posing in the nude, women have been publicly scorned for being a part of such creations, even by the men who gained pleasure from those very same women.

Today – As things would go this is one interesting subject matter, on one hand pornography is far more main stream these days, no longer limited to dark and dingy.  Full scale production companies now specialize in pornography specifically for couples and more and more companies are producing content aimed primarily at women.  But as luck would have it, pornography is still hush hush, the church still preaching against it, and women still deploring it in public.  The funny thing is, women don’t really deplore it because it’s pornography, but more because they feel they can’t live up to the images of the women men are seeing.  Although at the same time, many women are obsessed with romance novels, many of which just as graphical as pornography, only using words.  What most women don’t realize is that scientific study and scientific study has shown that the female mind actually responds in the exact same way to romance novels as a man’s mind responds to pornographic pictures, so in reality they are enjoying pornography, just not the same kind as men and their visual minds do.

The Future – Pornography has been on the move for some time now, becoming more and more geared towards couples as it moves further and further into the main stream.  Pornography can bring spice into relationships, helping to excite the body, and bring even more pleasure to couples.  If kept in moderation and used for the good of both partners, pornography in the relationship has a strong chance of survival.  Many companies these days are taking Hollywood level production crews to making content for both men and women, combining the visual elements that stimulate men with the novelistic elements that stimulate women.

Although there is still a strong stigma surrounding the word “Pornography”, the actually art form has come a long way and is making new strides every day in becoming mainstream for individuals and couples, men and women, to enjoy.  I think that as we round out the decade we will begin to see a great deal of headway made into making pornography in it’s various art forms a part of every bedroom.  As long as it’s kept in moderation, and the couple still maintains their focus on each other, it can be very healthy indeed.

 In Closing

We have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go.  Sexual gratification which was once completely off limits is coming of age and is bringing with it many new experiences for couples to enjoy.  Pleasures that we are seeing now haven’t been openly experienced for hundreds of years, and as we continue to learn and experiment with our bodies together, we will find new and more exciting ways to bring the art of making love back into our relationships, replacing boredom with adventure, monotony with excitement.