So as a male I have often been asked if I supported Polygamy, and I can see how that on the front sounds like a question every guy would probably answer yes to, but I never have. To me there has never been a question as to whether I would “cheat” on my spouse or not, even if it wasn’t considered cheating. That’s always been kind of like “having cybersex online isn’t really having an affair” or “oral sex doesn’t count as sex”, it was just a no brainer.

But having said that, I have recently thought more about the subject after the recent news of the compound in Texas, and honestly I can see benefits and disadvantages to Polygamy in modern society. (Now Brandi if your reading this, I am not suggesting any changes here)

First off lets look at what is wrong with Polygamy as it is today:

• In almost every case today, the wives are forced into marriage at a very young age.
• Women are almost never allowed to have multiple husbands, only the men can have multiple wives.
• The relationships are often abusive on wives and children.
• The men often feel they are above all others.
• Religion is generally forced upon those involved, and it’s usually a very harsh religion.

Now having said all of that, Polygamy in and of itself isn’t all bad, it may take a bit of thinking outside the box, but honestly it wasn’t that hard to start thinking up some benefits for both men and women.

Let’s look at what could be considered good in today’s polygamy relationships:

• No mom ever has to do everything alone, there’s always someone there to help out
• Women are never solely responsible for the physical well being of their husband, if they have a headache, no biggy, there is someone else there to help out.
• Children always have someone to take them somewhere, got 6 boys and and 6 girls, no problem, someone can take the boys to soccer, the girls to dance, and still have someone home to help with the house.
• You never have to worry about having someone around to talk to that knows all your husbands bad habits, everyone will understand because they have to live with him to.

Those are great benefits in some degree, but really, this whole polygamy thing could really use a 21st century upgrade if it’s ever going to be useful or desired. Polygamy today leaves so much to be desired in the fairness category, and really in the benefits to all category. But that doesn’t mean with just a bit of work we couldn’t easily fix it up to be something nearly everyone would see some benefit in.

Steps to fix polygamy:

1. This deal needs to go both ways, if men can do it, why not women to? Lets set some realistic rules here, each husband can have three wives and each wife can have three husbands. Now before you freak out, lets think about this, really it’s win win! Each husband has a variety of wives to meet each of his needs, be it physical or mental, and each wife has a variety of husbands to help her in life and fulfill her needs. Maybe she needs a big strong man to satisfy her physically, but she also needs a caring sensitive man to care for her emotionally. Now this could get a bit tangled in the family line deal, so here is how I think you could work this out. Only a single man and a single woman can start a new family, they then must be married for a term of not less than three years before they can begin to expand the family. Each spouse is allowed one or two nights per week to go out on a date, they will each have a set budget, and the date must understand that it’s a polygamist relationship. Each is allowed three dates with a person alone, before they must include their spouse. After ten dates, both spouses must agree that the person they are dating is a potential member of the family, if not then the process goes back to step one with a different person. Only when both spouses agree that a further marriage should take place can either spouse add a husband or wife. In order to keep things fair, no spouse may have more than one spouse greater than their other spouse at any time, and if a spouse rejects more than five dates after 10 weeks, then the spouse that is behind a spouse can force the other spouse to choose from a selection of three possible new spouses. After a second wife and a second husband is added, the process continues, but requires that the new spouses also approve of any future spouses.
2. Equality in work is a requirement, there is no reason that the men should be able to work and the women have to stay home. Even if all six spouses wish to work, this should be allowed, each would then contribute a portion of their income to the family coffers to help offset any cost of daycare, house repairs, etc.
3. No children should be knowingly conceived without the approval of all other family members and no husband shall have more than one wife pregnant at any time.
4. Religion should be freely exercised in the relationships, no spouse should force their religion on any other. Children may be guided in a religion agreed to by both birth parents, but should be allowed to freely choose their religion by the age of twelve.
5. No person under the age of twenty one years should be allowed to start or join a polygamist relationship. No spouse may be married that is greater than ten years younger than the oldest member of the relationship and no more than ten years older than the youngest member.
6. Only primary spouses may initiate dating with a potential new spouse.

These are just a few things I can think of that need to be fixed to make polygamy work, but in all reality it wouldn’t be that hard to create a fair and equal polygamist relationship that is beneficial to all members of the family, man and woman, adult and child alike. If someone where to take the time to really lay down some ground rules that were fair to everyone I think you would see the following benefits and disadvantages to polygamy.

Benefits:

• Larger families can help each other take care of each other, raising the kids isn’t left to just two over worked parents.
• Financial burdens are eased by having multiple bread winners and multiple care takers living under one roof.
• Never does any one spouse have to feel like they have to meet every need of the other spouse. Instead they can focus on their strong points and bring that to all the relationships.
• You always have friends to hang out with, no more watching the ballet by yourself, take the other wives; no more being the only guy on the block that’s watching the game.
• Children have more people to help nurture and care for them, or real life experience to gain knowledge from, more people to form the home soccer team, more at home friends to play with and learn life’s values from.
• You can share many of life’s responsibilities, giving everyone a little more time to just enjoy life.
• You never have to face things alone, one of your spouses will always be there to help you stand strong.

Disadvantages:

• Jealousy will always be an issue until we can overcome the hundreds of years of training we have gone through as a society
• Picking new spouses could be difficult and trying, each spouse adds one more personality to the mix, and it takes a certain mindset to become part of a larger existing family and treat everyone in it as your own.
• Could be confusing for children unless all parents agree on a firm set of guidelines for child raising.
• Insurance might be difficult until companies recognize the family unit.
• How do you file that on your taxes?

Final Thoughts:

Although the likelyhood that polygamy will ever become popular again, I think it certainly provides an interesting debate on how a family could be created with multiple adults, and how that may actually in many ways benefit society as a whole. The entire idea of sharing between six adults provides an amazing number of difficulties which would almost have to be worked out in an extensive contract like manor, for how to fold the towels, to how many nights a week any one spouse may sleep with another. There could be an entire industry around creating family contracts.

But in the long run, I think everyone should have a choice as to how they wish to raise their family, for myself I am not sure I could ever consider polygamy as a way of life, but I could certainly see arguments for it.